Wow It's been a long time since I've written a blog! I miss it. I finally got a new lap top (thanks Dad :) ) so now I'll be able to write again! So much has happened since I wrote last! I'm back at school now. Oh, and, I'm twenty! :) I love saying that. I love when people ask me how old I am. Twenty sounds so good! Love it. Okay......where to begin..???
Lately I have been learning a lot. Learning about everything. Myself, my friends, my family, everything. I am a very impressionable person so I have to be careful who I surround myself with. I've learned a lot about my friends. Who's really there for me, who's fake, who will stab me in the back, who I can trust. It's a hard lesson but it's a good one. For me, I can't let people go. I know when I need to let someone go and I know why, but I can't bring myself to do it. Friends, boy friends, anyone. Knowing that my time with someone has to end, it kills me. But I have recently found something to help me. Memories. The reason I love music so much is because you can hear a song and it can take you back to a memory, a time in your life you hadn't thought about til now. You can feel the emotion you felt, smell the smells, all of it! I always connect songs to people. Maybe it was just the popular song on the radio when we were hanging out, or maybe you made me a cd and my favorite song on the cd reminds me of you. Or maybe something sad between us happened, so a sad song reminds me of you. Whatever it may be, I absolutely love that music can do that. Memories can make things harder also, you can just live in memories and get stuck in them. Wishing they could happen again, wishing things were how they used to be. But that's not what they're for. Memories are for us to go back for a moment, and remember a face, a smell, a feeling, a place. When you have to let someone go, you keep all your memories with them. And that's what keeps you smiling. :)
Once someone hurts you, it's hard to let them back in. It takes courage and strength to forgive. When someone gets mad at me, I go crazy. It's the worst feeling ever. I'd rather have the flu and be throwing up all night than have someone be mad at me. It's just how I am. I love people. Being on the cash register at work is my absolute favorite place to be. I get to talk to people! People I don't even know. It's awesome. Sure we're only talking about food..but everyone has a story and maybe I can learn a little bit of theirs. So anyways, I love people. When a person is mad at me, I'll do anything to fix it. I've been experiencing this a lot lately for some reason and it's just awful. It's definitely not a fun spot to be in. Something I've learned through all of it though is to really really think about it before you do something, or say something. I know people say that all the time. "Think before you say something!" But don't let that go in one ear and out the other because our mothers have overused it and now we're numb to it. If only I would have thought about it before I said that, if only I thought about it before I did that. If only I thought about that person that I care so much about and would never want to hurt. I can't go back in time, but I can learn from this and think about things before I say them and do them and be more understanding of people's feelings. If I have hurt you, this is for you. You know who you are. I'm sorry, and I hope you have enough courage and strength to forgive me and let me back in.
That's a tough one. It's something most people have a hard time with. Unfortunately, I don't. I trust way too easily. I just assume everyone is good, and I can trust them. But that is false. You can't trust just anyone. You can trust hardly anyone. You can trust in God. And that's about it. So I'm taking all of my trust, and putting it in Him. That's where it should have been all along. When you're sitting with someone and you're having an intimate one on one conversation, you trust them. Or at least I do. I don't think twice if they are going to share what I am saying to them with other people. I feel like you shouldn't have to say, "keep this between us" but I am learning with most people, you do. Everyone needs someone they can completely trust 100%. That's my mom. She's not the only one, but she's the one I've had the longest. :) I can tell her anything and everything. And she won't say a word to anyone. I completely trust my mom. If you don't have one of those people, you should find one. I definitely want to be someone that someone can completely trust. Sometimes we think we are trustworthy but we really aren't. Some of us don't even realize it either. It's something I am learning right now. You have to be someone your friends can trust, someone they can feel comfortable talking to. Telling you their deepest, darkest, secrets. Their fears and what makes them happy. Their goals and their dreams. Everyone should be that person for someone else.
Today I found a bracelet that my friend Alyx bought for me. It says WWJD. What would Jesus do? Sometimes when I'm faced with a problem or I have to make a decision, I think, what would ________ do? But I never put Jesus in the blank. That's definitely something we all should do! But it's soooo hard. We actually probably already know what He would do but we push that thought over to the side and do what we want anyways. Jesus wouldn't take the easy way out. He wouldn't stop at the expected place. He'd keep going. So I don't think I'm ever going to take this bracelet off. It's such a great reminder. Would Jesus say that? Would He do that? Probably not, so I shouldn't either. Thanks Alyx. :)
Okay so can we pleeaasseee talk about how I am TWENTY! How does that sound coming out of my mouth?! I am in love with being twenty. Love. I don't know why but it's great. You're probably laughing at me or think I'm super weird but that's okay because I am super weird. So ha :)
I could literally sit here for like 4 more hours and write. I am loving it right now! When I was blogging about being the mom over summer, I would be excited about it, but sometimes I got lazy and I wouldn't want to. For some reason right now I feel like I could do this forever! You probably don't want to read 4 more hours worth of writing though. But I will definitely write again soon. But one more thing before I go....
I. Got. To. See. TAYLOR SWIFT.!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jkrbgrgbwkjbdksbktwuafbk!!!
Okay. :) Thanks for reading this whole thing! I'm glad you did. :) I didn't really go into this with a plan today, it was basically raw emotion, exactly what I'm feeling. So there it is. I'm going to make this a regular thing, so look for more posts soon. :)
His divine power gives us everything we need for life. 2 Peter 1:3
Sparkles and glitter, Ashley